post 10 yr reunion

I dressed awesome
lots of compliments
so now I feel all smug about that

I played pool with my bus stop bully, a smart snob and a jock I never had classes with.

I sat at a table with a guy who is already retired from the military, someone who had a felony, someone who taught autistic kids, and someone who works in NY.

Missed you!

10 year reunion - the before

Dress up? Dress down?
Look fun or successful or sexy?
What is too much?
Wait I have blonde hair now, will anyone actually recognize me?
Got overloaded on clothes advice and became stressed out
...but then blazed my own path with something no one had mentioned.

I was looking forward to it, people made me stress out over it and
become intimidated,
but now I am back to being me
and it's much better here.

crazy

i guess i been sitting around
thinking about you
the pretty way you hold my hand
and all the smiles you make me smile
i think i was looking for
someone to think about

i'm here
waiting for you
and all of these daydreams
are full to the brim
being crazy about someone feels really nice
and it's nice to be feeling
this gleam in my eyes
but until i see you again, i guess
i'll be still sitting around
just thinking
about you.

this is how we move along

with a gasp and a swallow
and enough stress to kill a mouse
i tip toe towards your arms
away from his puppeteer strings
and then i'm lost, but in the meantime
all i want are your arms now
and this is how we move along

happies

You know how
To make me smile
The things to do
That make me happy
But you don’t do
These things
No more
Apparently
It’s just
Too hard

The dahlia
Or opened door
It doesn’t matter
Anymore
You don’t feel
Like this will do
It must be me
That isn’t working

Oh my romance
Oh my sweet love
You chose goodbye
Over trying
Now twice as sad
I bid farewell
I fear I’ll always
Be unhappy

hardly, moving

at least i know now
we just didn't work
at least it wasn't
another heavy blow
but i'm hardly moving anyways
cus you weren't my lover
but you were my companion
and i always feel like
i'll end up forgotten

experimentation

i am a guarded person. i am afraid of people knowing me, and put up a hard exterior.

i woke up this morning and told myself i wasn't going to do this, see if it affected the way people responded to me. test subject: someone who had experienced the full throes of my guardedness.

aside from the heatstroke, it went well. i think i'm going to try to keep this up for a while. maybe the consequences will be someone that doesn't have to wait a year to get to know me.