i could never be your woman

i could never be your woman	[31 Dec 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | ::random:: ] looking into the new year with a certain voyeuristic curiosity... this has been an interesting number, this 2000-and-4, no? i entered it with a lot of optimism--though, i'm not well-known for my optimism, it did exist. and, laying on the floor of my apartment, listening to my mix of kitch, i'm trying to decide whether the optimism i'm currently feeling is realistic or just a break in my cynical demeanor. but cynics are the world's biggest optimists. gonna miss the girl... i've played so many roles this year, so many i never wanted, so many i never would've thought i'd play. my worst nightmares have come true, and yet, i don't know if i've ever been as happy as i was at a few memorable points. it makes me wonder, what else is there? does life calm down now? honestly, i've already lived almost every soap-opera plot i can remember, and done it with tones of victimization, of strength, of hopelessness, of drunken stupor...where does it go from here? i feel like i'm 75, looking back...i can't be the innocent one anymore, and naiivete is pretty much completely out...yet, there's so much potential. and the sky's blue, and it's on to wilco singing jesus, etc., and telling jesus not to cry. next?