i could never be your woman

i could never be your woman	[31 Dec 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | ::random:: ] looking into the new year with a certain voyeuristic curiosity... this has been an interesting number, this 2000-and-4, no? i entered it with a lot of optimism--though, i'm not well-known for my optimism, it did exist. and, laying on the floor of my apartment, listening to my mix of kitch, i'm trying to decide whether the optimism i'm currently feeling is realistic or just a break in my cynical demeanor. but cynics are the world's biggest optimists. gonna miss the girl... i've played so many roles this year, so many i never wanted, so many i never would've thought i'd play. my worst nightmares have come true, and yet, i don't know if i've ever been as happy as i was at a few memorable points. it makes me wonder, what else is there? does life calm down now? honestly, i've already lived almost every soap-opera plot i can remember, and done it with tones of victimization, of strength, of hopelessness, of drunken stupor...where does it go from here? i feel like i'm 75, looking back...i can't be the innocent one anymore, and naiivete is pretty much completely out...yet, there's so much potential. and the sky's blue, and it's on to wilco singing jesus, etc., and telling jesus not to cry. next?

goosh

when the corners of your mouth
are a little achy from the goofy smile they've
barely been hiding all day

and you start searching for reasons,
and only find giggles,
and are relaxed because, really, there's nothing wrong with that,

i don't have to be sad right now,
because i'm not.
clever is good.

I have a little frown between my eyes
from squinting at the words

my muscles feel relaxed & formless
except from my arms forced to be forward

late night reading
when you know you should be sleeping

is the best

I couldn't say it to you then
with all the troubles you have to face
but I really needed someone to talk to
but then was not the time

As I gain age I am learning not everything
should be shared
some things really need to just be kept close
and not spoken of

But I remember the days when we talked
well into the night
and I wish I could talk to you now

I just wanted to say I am proud of you for putting your stance on facebook. I know the fall out won't be fun, but I am proud that you said it anyways.

moods

i'm in a good mood every day
i tell myself that in the mirror in the morning
and i smile, and laugh at one of my jokes
and then put on some happy music
it may sound silly, but i think it works
sometimes i cry a little and then i cheer myself up
and say that's ok, you're beautiful, people like you
and today's going to be a better day than yesterday

knows

I don't know
how small I am
or even how much
love I have
I couldn't say
where I will be
tomorrow
or a year from now
I know I'm good
I know I'm bright
I know I kiss
with eyes shut tight
I don't know what
the future holds
but it won't be you