because

because "relationship" was so trite when compared to what i would have wanted, when i wanted you. it was limited, defined, 3 dimensional...when i wanted inside of you and around you, to devour you and soak into every cell of your being until you couldn't function without awareness of my existence.

and maybe you knew that, subconsciously, and that's why you're gone now. maybe you felt my churning, the magnetism that would surely bring about the end of your reality, and my lie brought you relief. it gave you what you needed to escape becoming a sacrifice, to climb out of my slow and meticulous web, to walk away.

or maybe it just wasn't there for you, and you would think dispassionate thoughts as you saw my poor damaged being cry out from its cage, maybe you didn't feel the obsessive force that crippled me and left me like this. maybe this is all easy for you.

i should really recognize all of the aspects that made this impossible, that put any future with you at an impasse, that caused the fear and the panic and the curling into balls. the way i couldn't sleep next to you. the way i felt powerless when kept in your darkness.

i should really stop talking to you in my head, and let you go. i'm just sad, is all.