Ready to leave the nest

When you leave home, your parents
you are thrilled by the independence.
You hit lows emotionally or financially and stop by often,
at least at first,
to re-establish ties and roles and support.
But eventually you can take on those lows by yourself.

I found that I don't like living alone. It's too quiet. I become withdrawn.
So roommates are great for noise and fun.
But I think that my dear college friends and I are drifting apart
and I don't want to go their direction.
The direction where their excuse of too tired or too stressed
gets them out of daily responsibilities and clean up.
I don't want to be their maid.

They were gone all week.
I cleaned all surfaces of the house.
Dusted
Cleaned the fronts of cupboards
Replaced light bulbs
Changed the leaking shower head
Washed the couch cover
Little things, but many little things that somehow
I am not as motivated to do when they are around.
Mayhaps because they clutter everything over these tasks?
They distract more than the mess itself?
I am just sad to think they're coming home and will soon
trash the whole place.

At what level of friendship to tolerance do you move out?
Where would I move?
Where else could I have $400 rent?
My job isn't stable.

So, for now, my domestic dreams of tranquility
must be put aside until such a time when I can afford it. :-(

I miss your studio, Stina. It's inspiring.